honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
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I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
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After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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