I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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