I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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