Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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