Non-Jews are for practice
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
whose ass print is on the piano?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
