you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
