Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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