Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
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