well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
