my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize