Welp...herpes.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
