is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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