BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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