I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
