All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
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You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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