Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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