he shaved USA in his pubs
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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