the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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