Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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