It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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