The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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