What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
this beer tastes like vomit already
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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