Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
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do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
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I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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