I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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