Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
