make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
