I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
