Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
