Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
