he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
