Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
