lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
