Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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