p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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