I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
