I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There's always time for handjobs
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The uberlube is also flammable
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
