JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
