plz talk dirty to me
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
