A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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