Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
