someone threw a dead crab at me
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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