you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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