Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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