I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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