i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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