Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
