shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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