Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
