someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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