Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
