I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
