I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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