In the future we'll all be gay
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
