if i can run in heels then i can drive
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
