ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
