i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize