You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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