I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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