Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
