I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
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How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
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I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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