You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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