im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
