I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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