Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
