For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
