I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
