she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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