we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I am available for nakedness
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
